i can't believe i had my finger in that
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
