bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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