i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
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I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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