In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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