awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf