I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
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I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
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Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on