you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
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Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
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I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?