Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!