i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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