So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH