just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
