i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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