can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
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