We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Randomize
