Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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