How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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