Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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