Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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