...so i touched it.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
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I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
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My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
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