How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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