but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
