so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize