so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize