Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
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