i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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