I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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