doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
