you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize