I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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