If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
