It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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