is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
