I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
