I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
