listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
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