I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
