turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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