My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
