I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
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I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
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Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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