Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
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you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
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Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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