Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
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