her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
