You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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