Yo dont text me then not text me
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
