well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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