Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
