my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize