i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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