dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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