He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize