I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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