i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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