There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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