The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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